Walking along the big, blue lake
I kindly see a small white snowflake
The sound of the water, sailing up to the rocks
Canadian Geese flying in flocks
The smell of the cold, fresh clean air
Blowing into my face, oh so bare
Icebergs falling from the cliff
People escaping but imagine if...
Footsteps of exploration trenching through
I look to the lake and it's bavarian blue
I touch the snow, my body shivers
Before we cross the short frozen river
The fun may be over but i won't forget
The memories that come which i shall never regret
Good Job Kupster, this poem is rad. First and foremost, I would like to point out the excellent use of a rhyme scheme to aid the flow and the overall feel to the poem. Even though the rhyme scheme was used efficiently, I thought it was slightly simplistic, which isn`t necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps the rhyme scheme could`ve contributed more to the general experience of the poem if there was a greater variation of rhyme. For example instead of utilizing the straightforward AA BB AA BB rhyme pattern distinction and maybe done something like ABCB which would potentially improve the poem. On another note, I really liked how you employed imagery to enhance the poem. I particularly enjoyed the line, “footsteps of exploration trenching through, I look to the lake and its Bavarian blue”. This appealed to three senses without really intending to. It appeals obviously to sight but also creates an image of a specific blue. Also, I believe that it also intrigues the senses of sound and touch because of the “footsteps trenching through”. In other words, an image of footsteps walking on top of the crunching snow is produced which pertains to certain senses for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteOverall, aweeeeesssome poem
Keep it up